Sober Now

It's just something I don't do anymore

I am inconsistent about honoring anniversaries. Some are more important than others. Some fade with time. This year, I forgot to honor the passing of my first dog, in 2003. I did not forget to have a moment of silence for the men lost when Extortion 17 was shot down in 2011.

Today, I acknowledge the power of choice, and that we may determine our direction, the path we walk forward, and how we may be changed by one decision. Two years ago today I quit drinking alcohol. It was a hard decision to reach, but easy to execute. I might have missed this anniversary but for the loved ones affected by it who remind me of its importance.

On one hand, drinking is something I don’t do anymore and I don’t much think about it. On the other hand, my life and my relationships are deeper and more real, I am sensitized and aware in a way that I wasn’t when alcohol played its role.

Before quitting I appreciated alcohol’s ability to disinhibit self-restraint, it allowed me to access parts of my emotional landscape that I locked up when sober. I wrote well on alcohol, clear spirits, specifically. I also appreciated how friends would open up when tipsy, even when they were over the line and too radically honest. That said, no one appreciated how red wine affected me. As much as I wanted to learn its intricacies — my great grandfather was an oenologist — I had to promise Blair I wouldn’t drink it because, damn, I turned terrible under its influence. That isn’t an issue these days.

Because I don’t much think about it I haven’t written about it but I will, eventually. One year ago, Blair wrote a wonderful piece about our journey. It is some of her strongest writing, grounded in love and care, with an eye watching out for our future.

Sobriety