What’s funny about “twitching” to me is that there is a lot of people who take it way too literally. That’s the story though, isn’t it? Don’t be a follower… be careful of pissing your life away thoughtlessly into another’s cup via THEIR plan for you; be something you can respect and don’t half-ass shit.
Mark’s “plan” in “Kiss or Kill” seems like a recipe and a warning all at once: do something, but your own thing… It’s important to also recognize that not everyone gets to be Sonic Youth, so start your own band IF it brings you joy, climb IF it gives deeper meaning to understand risk and those relationships, not because you want to be Mark or some other pro climber, etc… It screams to me to have a fucking “why”, don’t just course through life with bovine sensibilities. Cut out shit you aren’t passionate for and about.
I quite appreciate this, "... a recipe and a warning all at once" and it shines light on why I adopted the confrontational, aggressive stance in order get people — myself included — to examine what they were doing, how they were living and behaving, what they had inherited and what they had chosen but more importantly I hoped they would ask themselves whether they were the passenger in a runaway vehicle or could seize the wheel and change direction. I have been both a pessimist and optimist when viewing human nature, our nature. My optimism blossoms when I read words like that last sentence; reminds me of something I wrote once myself, "Who cares, wins."
Pretty "twitchy" or, perhaps better said, "Twighty". As for myself, I chose mostly an alternative lifestyle in that I didn't work for anybody but myself. I.E. I was my own boss, self-employed and owner, president, master carpenter, laborer, general factotum of my small, boutique residential construction company here in Bozeman, MT Talk about insecurity, holy fuck. Especially in the 1980's when you were lucky to find a rusty 16 penny nail to pound into someone else's 2x4. And yet, I stuck it out. Was I too stubborn to change, was I too afraid to change? And during this time of great insecurity and uncertainty, while raising three young kids and participating in a marriage that wasn't a good one I found time to kayak, to run, to ski and to climb. Was it to escape the shackles of family life and a mostly unhappy marriage? To some degree, yes. But mostly it was because these activities gave me happiness, pleasure a sense of accomplishment and, at times, of pushing myself beyond what I thought I was capable. This was mostly with climbing. I was never beyond the level of "intermediate" with any of these activities, but that is not the point. I did them because I wanted to. For me and for no one else. That is the point. We all have to make our way in the world. No one owes us anything. It really is quite existential. How we deal with that reality is our choice. Choosing not to be a victim is perhaps the most courageous choice any of us can ever make not matter what life throws at us.
At some point, after years of working for oneself, it becomes impossible to do otherwise, regardless of the so-called benefits offered by a corporate umbrella. We become 'unhirable' and, as insecure as it it can be, it is a beautiful thing. And I agree, choosing and moving in a direction of one's own choice on a life-sized scale is courageous indeed.
Thanks for sharing, Mark. It’s been a while since I’ve read Twitching. But just like last time, it shakes me up. No, I won’t quit my job tomorrow or light a match to the life I’ve built—but maybe that’s because the foundation is solid. Still, it forces a reckoning. Forces me to ask: Why do I do what I do? Who is it really for?
It’s too easy to let the expectations of others morph into the expectations of yourself, mistaking borrowed dreams for your own. Too easy to settle into a rhythm, mistaking motion for direction. Twitching is a reminder to strip it back to the bones, to make sure every step is yours—and to not be afraid if the next one demands a leap.
Blair and I were talking today about "symbols mistaken for what they represent", which is a lot like, "mistaking borrowed dreams for your own." Every now and then, and with greater frequency or intensity at certain points in life, we need a shake, a slap, a tickle, something to break either focus or routine. These are not always welcome but we should be open to them, and know where the horizons of our steps and leaps are, and may take us.
Have you ever read Yukio Mishima's "Sun and Steel", Mark? I've always wondered this every time I come across this piece. Kindred spirits, fellow travellers.
I wish I had my beat-up copy of the book (purchased in the early-80s if memory serves) to photograph and post but it's still in Utah. There's actually an older piece about that here:
My copy wears its dog ears and underlines well, and I can't say I'm surprised to learn yours is similarly worn-in. Thanks for the share, will check that piece now!
Looking forward to the updated set list for 2025. I saw Henry Rollins 2 years ago in Idaho Falls and at the meet and greet someone asked for his current music recommendations and it was profound. So much variety in genre, probably due to matured taste.
First time reader of your essay and WOW - I wish I had read it years ago! However, I also believe that wisdom comes when you need it. I've walked my own path for the vast majority of my life - taking the rocky and at times steep and perilous road -definitely not easy at times but always rewarding and providing a calmness? that I am being true to my nature/core values/calling. However, in the current time - the whispers of stability and predictability (and let's be real, more financial security), have been ever present. Reading this was a crystalline reminder of what's important. Even if one must take the road more traveled for whatever reason- stay true to yourself, show up authentically, grow in mind and body, and work daily (and with a fierce focus) to create the life you want and are proud of.
The vigor of youthful revolution — mid-30s in the case of this essay — softens a bit as more water passes beneath more bridges, and yes, sooner or later we all need to 'go to the bank', to consider financial security, without selling out or losing our internal north star. As long as we shut out the noise and stay true to (what we have learned is) our calling we can go far and learn even more.
Thank you for writing and reposting this. I have read “Twitching with Twight” at least once a year through the last five or so years. It is always a breath of fresh air and stirs me to cut away that which doesn’t belong.
You're welcome, and thank you. Sometimes I don't have the courage to re-read annually because I'm not ready to answer the questions these words always raise. Good on you for sitting with them and then cutting the superfluous away.
In this era when we are surrounded, perhaps bombarded by "apparent authenticity", by attempts to mask the shallow with a photo filter named "Depth", that idea means even more than it did when this was written. The closet-optimist in me always thought others would seek growth or change — improvement — through increased competence, merit, so I'm certainly glad I didn't hold my breath waiting for it to happen. Those who took the concept to heart, for whom it resonated, have lived very full lives indeed. Most of them, you included, are still seeking, still growing. Onward!
“Authenticity “ as a concept pisses me off. Did we not go through this with Stanley Milgram and come out the other side realising that a white coat does not an expert make?
I do my best to grow. Fuck knows I’ve failed at times, but I am anything if static in a rut/grave.
Thoroughly enjoyed revisiting this essay. Living life on your own terms, to the beat of your own drum, something I returned to last year. Having been S/E since leaving the military in the mid 90’s, I made the mistake of being ‘bought’ by a company in 2021. (Promises made, ego stroked, a new path opening up). Within 2 years it became quite apparent that one man’s word does not carry the same weight as another’s. I held them accountable, they failed, we parted ways, and I went back to doing stuff that I actually gave a crap about.
Stay fabulous, my friend & thank you for the release of this piece. (Reading whilst enjoying my black coffee. Years ago I entertained the notion of opening a coffee shack, naming it simply “Coffee, black” to give you an idea of the extensive drinks menu. “I’ll have a frappa-cappa-latte, please”… ‘coffee, black’ served. Read the f’kin sign.)
"Promises made, ego stroked, a new path opening up ..." this reminds me of the period when there was a (poor) offer on the table for GJ that felt like it could lighten the load on my shoulders. I was almost seduced. Then I witnessed the potential buyers' behavior and had a conversation with one, which shut down the whole idea, more work for less reward and the promise of blue sky ... umm, no.
Thank you for putting this back up again. Re-reading this I was brought back 10+ years ago reading this on a pool deck before I was set to begin practice.
I was searching for change then, maybe the same thing now.
It hits differently now, perhaps a glancing blow instead of a gut punch. Maybe we learn to slip the punches as we mature, or we need less intense course correction than we did when younger; a few degrees of shift, observation of a new horizon, some old baggage left behind. It's a good mirror. Thank you for reminding me that this had no digital home as I shut down various sites. This is a fine platform for a revival.
Man, I remember discovering this on Gym Jones in the early 2000's and printing it so I could read it again and again. Still have it.
Each time I read it, sometimes years apart, it never fails to motivate in some way.
What’s funny about “twitching” to me is that there is a lot of people who take it way too literally. That’s the story though, isn’t it? Don’t be a follower… be careful of pissing your life away thoughtlessly into another’s cup via THEIR plan for you; be something you can respect and don’t half-ass shit.
Mark’s “plan” in “Kiss or Kill” seems like a recipe and a warning all at once: do something, but your own thing… It’s important to also recognize that not everyone gets to be Sonic Youth, so start your own band IF it brings you joy, climb IF it gives deeper meaning to understand risk and those relationships, not because you want to be Mark or some other pro climber, etc… It screams to me to have a fucking “why”, don’t just course through life with bovine sensibilities. Cut out shit you aren’t passionate for and about.
Life is short: Give a shit.
I quite appreciate this, "... a recipe and a warning all at once" and it shines light on why I adopted the confrontational, aggressive stance in order get people — myself included — to examine what they were doing, how they were living and behaving, what they had inherited and what they had chosen but more importantly I hoped they would ask themselves whether they were the passenger in a runaway vehicle or could seize the wheel and change direction. I have been both a pessimist and optimist when viewing human nature, our nature. My optimism blossoms when I read words like that last sentence; reminds me of something I wrote once myself, "Who cares, wins."
For everyone's listening pleasure:
https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLmMb6kv15DKBZdl0DHZbzUWEYvqOxk7-5&si=yLoG6FPEKUoomSt1
Thank you for using YT Music
Thank you!
Pretty "twitchy" or, perhaps better said, "Twighty". As for myself, I chose mostly an alternative lifestyle in that I didn't work for anybody but myself. I.E. I was my own boss, self-employed and owner, president, master carpenter, laborer, general factotum of my small, boutique residential construction company here in Bozeman, MT Talk about insecurity, holy fuck. Especially in the 1980's when you were lucky to find a rusty 16 penny nail to pound into someone else's 2x4. And yet, I stuck it out. Was I too stubborn to change, was I too afraid to change? And during this time of great insecurity and uncertainty, while raising three young kids and participating in a marriage that wasn't a good one I found time to kayak, to run, to ski and to climb. Was it to escape the shackles of family life and a mostly unhappy marriage? To some degree, yes. But mostly it was because these activities gave me happiness, pleasure a sense of accomplishment and, at times, of pushing myself beyond what I thought I was capable. This was mostly with climbing. I was never beyond the level of "intermediate" with any of these activities, but that is not the point. I did them because I wanted to. For me and for no one else. That is the point. We all have to make our way in the world. No one owes us anything. It really is quite existential. How we deal with that reality is our choice. Choosing not to be a victim is perhaps the most courageous choice any of us can ever make not matter what life throws at us.
At some point, after years of working for oneself, it becomes impossible to do otherwise, regardless of the so-called benefits offered by a corporate umbrella. We become 'unhirable' and, as insecure as it it can be, it is a beautiful thing. And I agree, choosing and moving in a direction of one's own choice on a life-sized scale is courageous indeed.
Thanks for sharing, Mark. It’s been a while since I’ve read Twitching. But just like last time, it shakes me up. No, I won’t quit my job tomorrow or light a match to the life I’ve built—but maybe that’s because the foundation is solid. Still, it forces a reckoning. Forces me to ask: Why do I do what I do? Who is it really for?
It’s too easy to let the expectations of others morph into the expectations of yourself, mistaking borrowed dreams for your own. Too easy to settle into a rhythm, mistaking motion for direction. Twitching is a reminder to strip it back to the bones, to make sure every step is yours—and to not be afraid if the next one demands a leap.
Blair and I were talking today about "symbols mistaken for what they represent", which is a lot like, "mistaking borrowed dreams for your own." Every now and then, and with greater frequency or intensity at certain points in life, we need a shake, a slap, a tickle, something to break either focus or routine. These are not always welcome but we should be open to them, and know where the horizons of our steps and leaps are, and may take us.
Have you ever read Yukio Mishima's "Sun and Steel", Mark? I've always wondered this every time I come across this piece. Kindred spirits, fellow travellers.
I wish I had my beat-up copy of the book (purchased in the early-80s if memory serves) to photograph and post but it's still in Utah. There's actually an older piece about that here:
https://marktwight.substack.com/p/the-tension-of-the-all-night-watch
My copy wears its dog ears and underlines well, and I can't say I'm surprised to learn yours is similarly worn-in. Thanks for the share, will check that piece now!
I swear I read this three to four times a year to just remind myself of things.
Looking forward to the updated set list for 2025. I saw Henry Rollins 2 years ago in Idaho Falls and at the meet and greet someone asked for his current music recommendations and it was profound. So much variety in genre, probably due to matured taste.
First time reader of your essay and WOW - I wish I had read it years ago! However, I also believe that wisdom comes when you need it. I've walked my own path for the vast majority of my life - taking the rocky and at times steep and perilous road -definitely not easy at times but always rewarding and providing a calmness? that I am being true to my nature/core values/calling. However, in the current time - the whispers of stability and predictability (and let's be real, more financial security), have been ever present. Reading this was a crystalline reminder of what's important. Even if one must take the road more traveled for whatever reason- stay true to yourself, show up authentically, grow in mind and body, and work daily (and with a fierce focus) to create the life you want and are proud of.
The vigor of youthful revolution — mid-30s in the case of this essay — softens a bit as more water passes beneath more bridges, and yes, sooner or later we all need to 'go to the bank', to consider financial security, without selling out or losing our internal north star. As long as we shut out the noise and stay true to (what we have learned is) our calling we can go far and learn even more.
Thank you for writing and reposting this. I have read “Twitching with Twight” at least once a year through the last five or so years. It is always a breath of fresh air and stirs me to cut away that which doesn’t belong.
You're welcome, and thank you. Sometimes I don't have the courage to re-read annually because I'm not ready to answer the questions these words always raise. Good on you for sitting with them and then cutting the superfluous away.
The final stanza about life as a meritocracy had been a go to moment for me for a long time.
In this era when we are surrounded, perhaps bombarded by "apparent authenticity", by attempts to mask the shallow with a photo filter named "Depth", that idea means even more than it did when this was written. The closet-optimist in me always thought others would seek growth or change — improvement — through increased competence, merit, so I'm certainly glad I didn't hold my breath waiting for it to happen. Those who took the concept to heart, for whom it resonated, have lived very full lives indeed. Most of them, you included, are still seeking, still growing. Onward!
“Authenticity “ as a concept pisses me off. Did we not go through this with Stanley Milgram and come out the other side realising that a white coat does not an expert make?
I do my best to grow. Fuck knows I’ve failed at times, but I am anything if static in a rut/grave.
Thoroughly enjoyed revisiting this essay. Living life on your own terms, to the beat of your own drum, something I returned to last year. Having been S/E since leaving the military in the mid 90’s, I made the mistake of being ‘bought’ by a company in 2021. (Promises made, ego stroked, a new path opening up). Within 2 years it became quite apparent that one man’s word does not carry the same weight as another’s. I held them accountable, they failed, we parted ways, and I went back to doing stuff that I actually gave a crap about.
Stay fabulous, my friend & thank you for the release of this piece. (Reading whilst enjoying my black coffee. Years ago I entertained the notion of opening a coffee shack, naming it simply “Coffee, black” to give you an idea of the extensive drinks menu. “I’ll have a frappa-cappa-latte, please”… ‘coffee, black’ served. Read the f’kin sign.)
"Promises made, ego stroked, a new path opening up ..." this reminds me of the period when there was a (poor) offer on the table for GJ that felt like it could lighten the load on my shoulders. I was almost seduced. Then I witnessed the potential buyers' behavior and had a conversation with one, which shut down the whole idea, more work for less reward and the promise of blue sky ... umm, no.
Thank you for putting this back up again. Re-reading this I was brought back 10+ years ago reading this on a pool deck before I was set to begin practice.
I was searching for change then, maybe the same thing now.
It hits differently now, perhaps a glancing blow instead of a gut punch. Maybe we learn to slip the punches as we mature, or we need less intense course correction than we did when younger; a few degrees of shift, observation of a new horizon, some old baggage left behind. It's a good mirror. Thank you for reminding me that this had no digital home as I shut down various sites. This is a fine platform for a revival.
My intro to you and your words years ago. Still stirred.
I have wondered several times how a 2020s version of this would read. 🙏🏻
Only one way to find out, cap'n.