I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. Locusts! It wasn’t my fault, I swear to god!
I see this in the students I teach, especially as exam season approaches us these next few weeks. Oddly, it’s infectious. One excuse beggars another and soon the teacher becomes the problem for not accepting them. The concept of consequences and living in a meritocracy are alien to all but the most astute learners.
Thanks for this piece Mark. I may pass it onto those who need assurance of their choice of path of most resistance.
Reading an example of the "excuse contagion" I sometimes think I'm only imagining is (unfortunately) reassuring. It has always been apparent that one excuse leads to another and then another and eventually a habit. I often observed in the gym that when one person made an excuse about a particular load or intensity and others saw them get away with it they too suddenly felt less capable and said so, or just gave in to what was already within despite having declared — by joining that gym in the first place — that they wanted to change, to improve. And once that Genie leaves the bottle it rarely volunteers to return.
A great essay, and since I’ve re-entered the training world (albeit on a much more modest scale than previous) reading the list of excuses made me smile.
Seeing the antler on the floor in front of the “space supervisor’s” bed made me smile even more.
Every now and then we still need a little dose of those lessons that kept us heading towards the path when we were still searching for it.
And that bony protruberance was a gift from the universe, Easton found two sets of (small) elk antlers earlier this spring that he loves to chew and chomp. He does have a bit of wild in him, that's for sure.m
Today, I wanted to use my excuses. I had plenty of them. My nutrition wasn’t right, I’m overtrained, I didn’t recover from yesterday’s events, etc. Suddenly this article popped into my head. Specifically, the part about surprisingly good performances on, “bad days.” That’s exactly what happened. The first efforts of the day produced average results. With each one the number of excuses I had available grew as well. Then the final effort of the day… a circuit combining half mile sprints on the echo bike with a barbell complex. The team absolutely crushed the competition. A performance that I was completely shocked by. Only dry heaved twice. Thanks for writing this it helped.
It's good to read you here, my friend. And satisfying to know those old words can still trigger behavior that trumps our natural tendency to evade the hard things (and I use "our" quite consciously).
As a therapist and analyst, I encounter this every day. And whenever I do, I’m reminded of what the radical—and very non-prophet—French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan said: “The only thing of which one can be guilty is of having given ground relative to one's desire.”
What you describe, Mark, may be examples of clients doing just that—giving ground to their desire. I imagine they come to you because they want to be fit enough to go on some adventure, accomplish a heroic feat, attain an ideal physique—whatever the reason may be. All the juicy stuff of fantasy. The kind of fantasy that sustains us in daily life—sitting behind a desk, paying taxes, arguing with a spouse.
But when we actually approach the possibility of attaining something, of acting on our desire, we often self-sabotage. Why? Because getting what we want risks something profound: the loss of desire itself. And desire is what keeps us going.
In essence, when we fulfill a desire, we expose ourselves to the possibility of existential lack—exposure to the void. We've all felt it. Anyone reading this can recall the strange emptiness that can follow the achievement of something significant—standing on a summit after a difficult route, for example.
Or, perhaps even more unsettling, when we genuinely attempt to get what we want, we’re often confronted with unexpected consequences that aren’t part and parcel of the original fantasy.
In therapy, patients frequently speak at length about what they want—but rarely about what might be holding them back. Part of the therapeutic work might be helping them recognize that, on an unconscious level, there’s often a significant secondary benefit to giving ground to their desire. The problem with living off secondary benefits, is that it means keeping the objects of one's desire at arm’s length, and settling for back-alley compromises for satisfaction.
Perhaps Messner said it best (although maybe not first), “Every goal achieved is a dream destroyed.” And often, what I see lacking is the skill of reorientation, the ability to answer, “What next? What now?” None of us were ever taught this
I’m so glad you mention this, it’s the million dollar question. Yeah no one taught us because they didn’t know either. Mark I can only assume you have written about this theme of reorientation? If so could you point me to some of your writings that deal with it? What really interests me is how people who have gone beyond a limit, and not just a personal limit but social rules/norms reorient themselves later. Thank you.
I haven't written specifically on the topic, only noted the difficulty with the concept in a few scattered essays. On the other hand, I kept a notebook of ideas starting in my late-teens and eventually filled it in my late-20s. It's sitting on my desk right now. One of the early 'lessons' was, "The first goal is not the final one". I didn't include an attribution so I have no idea who originally wrote it but it wasn't me. However, the idea did keep me looking beyond the immediate horizon, past the current shiny thing. It wasn't a map but instead a guiding principle that ran counter to the social recipe that reads, "if you have this, this and this, you will have arrived and you will be happy," which is such bullshit that I don't understand how anyone falls for it. Growth and change are constant, and who achieves a goal is no longer the same person who set out to do so. We must recognize and accept the changes within and reorient toward a new horizon. And I too wonder if anyone has written something definitive on the subject.
Hamlet comes to mind. His desire to avenge his father is constantly deferred. Antigone is a great example of desire taken to its most radical dimension but that's not so much about reorientation I think.
There’s a lot of theory out there (I’m happy to share if you're interested). But from climbing, it seems so obvious: the valleys must be unimaginably low for the peaks to be so high. I would love to read about how that struggle has been navigated.
This phrase “the first goal is not the final goal” – what I hear in those words is that the final goal—the one beyond the one we name—is necessarily elusive. And it must remain so. Eventually, the quest becomes about how we wrap our psyches around that which is forever receding on the horizon, yet continues to draw us toward it.
Freud spookily called this goal “Das Ding”—The Thing.
In psychoanalysis, we don’t believe it’s ever possible to escape the cycle of desire and lack (Messner’s quote), but there are ways to “shorten the circuit.”
It's not ideal but way better than before the fusion three years ago. I am not in pain for several days afterwards (finally). That said, the left one being fused means I'm always on the ball of that foot going uphill — without any engagement of the calf muscles so the left calf has atrophied while my right calf, above a normal ankle is (comparatively) massive. I prefer the variation of foot placement outdoors going uphill, as does my ankle, but the treadmill is an OK substitute when used infrequently.
The best excuse of all, "I'm taking a rest day and rest days are actually a very necessary part of my training plan. Ergo, I am actively training by resting".
At 78 years of age it can sometimes be a real struggle to find the motivation to work out. Whether it's a session at the climbing gym, jumping on my road or gravel bike for some meaningful mileage or doing an at home workout. Striking the right balance between a good, results producing workout and a necessary rest day can be challenging.
And the hardware we have on board makes things even trickier. Still, to hold on to the relationship with fitness and activity at 78 is very inspiring. Thank you.
Pretty cool and raw to give us a tiny glimpse of your home and (I imagine) a little sacred space. Thank you. And yes the reminder that the thing that allows us to do "the thing" is usually right in front of us, if we just get moving.
It was a good portion of crow to have placed in front of me, a splendid convergence of moments offering the opportunity to behave in accordance with one's ideals or make an excuse not to. And yes, that garage gym often feels like a sacred place, an altar.
I give myself the five minute rule. If I think of something that I need to do and I say all right, do it within five minutes I get off my ass and get it done right away. Otherwise those five minutes of waiting have just been wasted. It’s a manta I’ve been living with for a long time and it seems to work for the most part. The other one is “I hurt therefore I am”. I think you know where that one comes from.
Thank you again Mark - I love that the article set me up for an excuse maker witch hunt but then presented a great home gym shot of a STFU strategy led by an experienced campaigner.
It was touch and go for a second, and a clear mirror to stare at. At some point every day we are offered the opportunity to act in alignment with our ideals and it's a terrible thing when we don't.
I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. Locusts! It wasn’t my fault, I swear to god!
Just step up.
The locusts would stop me, eighth plague and all that. 😉
I see this in the students I teach, especially as exam season approaches us these next few weeks. Oddly, it’s infectious. One excuse beggars another and soon the teacher becomes the problem for not accepting them. The concept of consequences and living in a meritocracy are alien to all but the most astute learners.
Thanks for this piece Mark. I may pass it onto those who need assurance of their choice of path of most resistance.
Reading an example of the "excuse contagion" I sometimes think I'm only imagining is (unfortunately) reassuring. It has always been apparent that one excuse leads to another and then another and eventually a habit. I often observed in the gym that when one person made an excuse about a particular load or intensity and others saw them get away with it they too suddenly felt less capable and said so, or just gave in to what was already within despite having declared — by joining that gym in the first place — that they wanted to change, to improve. And once that Genie leaves the bottle it rarely volunteers to return.
Also to be viewed as accepting failure without attempt if your “better” peer fails first. Endemic in most environments where ego is challenged.
But I guess they could also be thinking “if I don’t try I can’t fail, so I can retain my self belief that I am awesome”
Which they are not.
A great essay, and since I’ve re-entered the training world (albeit on a much more modest scale than previous) reading the list of excuses made me smile.
Seeing the antler on the floor in front of the “space supervisor’s” bed made me smile even more.
Thanks again, Mark
Every now and then we still need a little dose of those lessons that kept us heading towards the path when we were still searching for it.
And that bony protruberance was a gift from the universe, Easton found two sets of (small) elk antlers earlier this spring that he loves to chew and chomp. He does have a bit of wild in him, that's for sure.m
Today, I wanted to use my excuses. I had plenty of them. My nutrition wasn’t right, I’m overtrained, I didn’t recover from yesterday’s events, etc. Suddenly this article popped into my head. Specifically, the part about surprisingly good performances on, “bad days.” That’s exactly what happened. The first efforts of the day produced average results. With each one the number of excuses I had available grew as well. Then the final effort of the day… a circuit combining half mile sprints on the echo bike with a barbell complex. The team absolutely crushed the competition. A performance that I was completely shocked by. Only dry heaved twice. Thanks for writing this it helped.
It's good to read you here, my friend. And satisfying to know those old words can still trigger behavior that trumps our natural tendency to evade the hard things (and I use "our" quite consciously).
“Wisdom is nothing more profound than an ability to take one’s own advice.” - Sam Harris (among others)
And to your left in that photo, Travis giving the supreme digitalis inspiratus. Onward.
That same image sits just left of my computer monitor; inspiring, admonishing, thanking … and a gift every time I consciously look to it.
As a therapist and analyst, I encounter this every day. And whenever I do, I’m reminded of what the radical—and very non-prophet—French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan said: “The only thing of which one can be guilty is of having given ground relative to one's desire.”
What you describe, Mark, may be examples of clients doing just that—giving ground to their desire. I imagine they come to you because they want to be fit enough to go on some adventure, accomplish a heroic feat, attain an ideal physique—whatever the reason may be. All the juicy stuff of fantasy. The kind of fantasy that sustains us in daily life—sitting behind a desk, paying taxes, arguing with a spouse.
But when we actually approach the possibility of attaining something, of acting on our desire, we often self-sabotage. Why? Because getting what we want risks something profound: the loss of desire itself. And desire is what keeps us going.
In essence, when we fulfill a desire, we expose ourselves to the possibility of existential lack—exposure to the void. We've all felt it. Anyone reading this can recall the strange emptiness that can follow the achievement of something significant—standing on a summit after a difficult route, for example.
Or, perhaps even more unsettling, when we genuinely attempt to get what we want, we’re often confronted with unexpected consequences that aren’t part and parcel of the original fantasy.
In therapy, patients frequently speak at length about what they want—but rarely about what might be holding them back. Part of the therapeutic work might be helping them recognize that, on an unconscious level, there’s often a significant secondary benefit to giving ground to their desire. The problem with living off secondary benefits, is that it means keeping the objects of one's desire at arm’s length, and settling for back-alley compromises for satisfaction.
Perhaps Messner said it best (although maybe not first), “Every goal achieved is a dream destroyed.” And often, what I see lacking is the skill of reorientation, the ability to answer, “What next? What now?” None of us were ever taught this
I’m so glad you mention this, it’s the million dollar question. Yeah no one taught us because they didn’t know either. Mark I can only assume you have written about this theme of reorientation? If so could you point me to some of your writings that deal with it? What really interests me is how people who have gone beyond a limit, and not just a personal limit but social rules/norms reorient themselves later. Thank you.
I haven't written specifically on the topic, only noted the difficulty with the concept in a few scattered essays. On the other hand, I kept a notebook of ideas starting in my late-teens and eventually filled it in my late-20s. It's sitting on my desk right now. One of the early 'lessons' was, "The first goal is not the final one". I didn't include an attribution so I have no idea who originally wrote it but it wasn't me. However, the idea did keep me looking beyond the immediate horizon, past the current shiny thing. It wasn't a map but instead a guiding principle that ran counter to the social recipe that reads, "if you have this, this and this, you will have arrived and you will be happy," which is such bullshit that I don't understand how anyone falls for it. Growth and change are constant, and who achieves a goal is no longer the same person who set out to do so. We must recognize and accept the changes within and reorient toward a new horizon. And I too wonder if anyone has written something definitive on the subject.
Hamlet comes to mind. His desire to avenge his father is constantly deferred. Antigone is a great example of desire taken to its most radical dimension but that's not so much about reorientation I think.
There’s a lot of theory out there (I’m happy to share if you're interested). But from climbing, it seems so obvious: the valleys must be unimaginably low for the peaks to be so high. I would love to read about how that struggle has been navigated.
This phrase “the first goal is not the final goal” – what I hear in those words is that the final goal—the one beyond the one we name—is necessarily elusive. And it must remain so. Eventually, the quest becomes about how we wrap our psyches around that which is forever receding on the horizon, yet continues to draw us toward it.
Freud spookily called this goal “Das Ding”—The Thing.
In psychoanalysis, we don’t believe it’s ever possible to escape the cycle of desire and lack (Messner’s quote), but there are ways to “shorten the circuit.”
On a personal note, how do your ankles do on the incline? Mine don't do well.
It's not ideal but way better than before the fusion three years ago. I am not in pain for several days afterwards (finally). That said, the left one being fused means I'm always on the ball of that foot going uphill — without any engagement of the calf muscles so the left calf has atrophied while my right calf, above a normal ankle is (comparatively) massive. I prefer the variation of foot placement outdoors going uphill, as does my ankle, but the treadmill is an OK substitute when used infrequently.
The best excuse of all, "I'm taking a rest day and rest days are actually a very necessary part of my training plan. Ergo, I am actively training by resting".
That wouldn't be an excuse though, instead it's an intelligent decision. And one infrequently made, at least when the (supposed) audience is watching.
At 78 years of age it can sometimes be a real struggle to find the motivation to work out. Whether it's a session at the climbing gym, jumping on my road or gravel bike for some meaningful mileage or doing an at home workout. Striking the right balance between a good, results producing workout and a necessary rest day can be challenging.
And the hardware we have on board makes things even trickier. Still, to hold on to the relationship with fitness and activity at 78 is very inspiring. Thank you.
Pretty cool and raw to give us a tiny glimpse of your home and (I imagine) a little sacred space. Thank you. And yes the reminder that the thing that allows us to do "the thing" is usually right in front of us, if we just get moving.
It was a good portion of crow to have placed in front of me, a splendid convergence of moments offering the opportunity to behave in accordance with one's ideals or make an excuse not to. And yes, that garage gym often feels like a sacred place, an altar.
I give myself the five minute rule. If I think of something that I need to do and I say all right, do it within five minutes I get off my ass and get it done right away. Otherwise those five minutes of waiting have just been wasted. It’s a manta I’ve been living with for a long time and it seems to work for the most part. The other one is “I hurt therefore I am”. I think you know where that one comes from.
It works if we work, always. OK, almost always. And that quote? Old school and still true.
Like you didn't take into account if Mercury was in retrograde when you did Reality Bath. Come on now Mark, some excuses are valid.
Ha! I think my horoscope that week read something like, "You have a 50-50 chance of getting the chop." In other words, roll those dice.
Thank you again Mark - I love that the article set me up for an excuse maker witch hunt but then presented a great home gym shot of a STFU strategy led by an experienced campaigner.
It was touch and go for a second, and a clear mirror to stare at. At some point every day we are offered the opportunity to act in alignment with our ideals and it's a terrible thing when we don't.
This essay applies to life in general, not just working out. STFU and get on with it
But John, I can't help myself ... the STFU part, anyway. 😉
So glad to have found this Substack, so many words that resonate. Whatever your excuses are, no matter how legitimate, ultimately no one cares.
Thank you for tuning in. And yes, the only ones who should care about and notice our excuses are us, ourselves. Excuses are a litmus test, pass-fail.