I’ve had a number of bad days. Days where I didn’t want to push myself to a perceived limit. Days where I didn’t want to wake up at 5:00am and shave. However, yesterday was the first time I genuinely wanted to quit. I was tired of being scared, exhausted, and hurt. I finished the day thinking it was going to be my last in training.
When the evening came I broke down. I sobbed for half an hour before I made a round of calls and texts. I wanted to run home to mommy, and I did so in the way that I could over the phone. I texted a friend that’s more of a father looking for the same thing. Reassurance that it would be okay if I quit. I pushed far and hard, and that they would be proud of me anyways.
Neither one said what I wanted to hear, but they did say what I needed to hear. In their own words they affirmed that I was in the right place, and fully capable of completing the course. However, quitting was not an option. I signed the contract. I made the promises. I made the commitment to do this thing.
I’m still here. I’m still training. Still powdering my feet, and eating protein.
What you said about not liking what you see sometimes when you plumb your own depth rings true. I sounded the depths yesterday when an off leash dog attacked my dog while I held him in my arms. Despite years of "mental training" I totally lost my cool. Time for more and better training I guess.
Know the climb well, usually tackle it from Geneva first going over the more manageable col des fleuries. My first time up i was unaware id be walking a couple of kilometers of gravel.
I know many of the essays I am posting here are a blast from the past for some, it’s good to read they hit in a different way than they did. All of our hearts and eyes and ears have changed so when I read this one a few days ago I realized it still had legs, and maybe it would ring a different bell now. It made me recall my experience sitting with the monument up there, which I hadn’t adequately written of at the time, so focused on the effort itself as I was back then.
For a lot of us it's our first time that we read them. I'm 26 from Greece and i was introduced a year or two ago to your writing and it was what i wanted and needed to hear, and couldn't find anywhere else.
I wish I had better news but for the moment the remaining inventory is locked down as we navigate the conclusion of the publishing business. That said I did speak with the printer yesterday about some other projects and we briefly touched on the idea of a new, revised edition. I’ll take a poll here in the not-too-distant future to understand potential demand.
Thanks for getting back to me. A revised version sounds great as well. I have several people that I’ve recommended it to, so I know they’re on board. They keep asking to borrow my copy, but I’m afraid I’ll never see it again…lol
I’ve had a number of bad days. Days where I didn’t want to push myself to a perceived limit. Days where I didn’t want to wake up at 5:00am and shave. However, yesterday was the first time I genuinely wanted to quit. I was tired of being scared, exhausted, and hurt. I finished the day thinking it was going to be my last in training.
When the evening came I broke down. I sobbed for half an hour before I made a round of calls and texts. I wanted to run home to mommy, and I did so in the way that I could over the phone. I texted a friend that’s more of a father looking for the same thing. Reassurance that it would be okay if I quit. I pushed far and hard, and that they would be proud of me anyways.
Neither one said what I wanted to hear, but they did say what I needed to hear. In their own words they affirmed that I was in the right place, and fully capable of completing the course. However, quitting was not an option. I signed the contract. I made the promises. I made the commitment to do this thing.
I’m still here. I’m still training. Still powdering my feet, and eating protein.
Not what you wanted to hear but what you needed to hear — those are good allies to have around you. Trust them. And trust yourself.
"Not quitting might actually be easier". That, right there.
It now lives as a Twightism. https://twightisms.com/page3
Nice one, Mark.
What you said about not liking what you see sometimes when you plumb your own depth rings true. I sounded the depths yesterday when an off leash dog attacked my dog while I held him in my arms. Despite years of "mental training" I totally lost my cool. Time for more and better training I guess.
Know the climb well, usually tackle it from Geneva first going over the more manageable col des fleuries. My first time up i was unaware id be walking a couple of kilometers of gravel.
I was fortunate to have very sturdy 28s on my bike and could ride that gravel section across the top. C’était merveilleux!
I can't remember when I first read this essay, but I think of it daily. Seeing it in my email today was well timed and prescient. Thank you.
I know many of the essays I am posting here are a blast from the past for some, it’s good to read they hit in a different way than they did. All of our hearts and eyes and ears have changed so when I read this one a few days ago I realized it still had legs, and maybe it would ring a different bell now. It made me recall my experience sitting with the monument up there, which I hadn’t adequately written of at the time, so focused on the effort itself as I was back then.
For a lot of us it's our first time that we read them. I'm 26 from Greece and i was introduced a year or two ago to your writing and it was what i wanted and needed to hear, and couldn't find anywhere else.
This is great to read. I’m happy you found your way here — there is a lot more writing and thinking out loud to come.
Where/ how can I get another copy of the book
I wish I had better news but for the moment the remaining inventory is locked down as we navigate the conclusion of the publishing business. That said I did speak with the printer yesterday about some other projects and we briefly touched on the idea of a new, revised edition. I’ll take a poll here in the not-too-distant future to understand potential demand.
Thanks for getting back to me. A revised version sounds great as well. I have several people that I’ve recommended it to, so I know they’re on board. They keep asking to borrow my copy, but I’m afraid I’ll never see it again…lol